The Baby Oliva Bill: Mary Bentley’s Boldest Pro-Life Move Yet

Representative Mary Bentley has announced a new amendment to her infamous “Baby Olivia” bill, the legislation requiring Arkansas students to watch an anti-abortion animated video of a fetus growing in the womb. The new amendment takes the bill to the next level by swapping out the fictional “Baby Olivia” with a more personal, homegrown hero: Arkansas Secretary of Education Jacob Oliva himself.

A Vision for Arkansas Education

Bentley, a tireless advocate for using taxpayer dollars to bring ideological purity into public schools, explained her reasoning behind the update.

“I realized Baby Olivia just wasn’t cutting it,” Bentley said, standing beneath a portrait of Ronald Reagan and a taxidermied bald eagle. “If we really want to connect with Arkansas students, we need to show them something real that hits close to home. What better way to do that than showing our very own Secretary of Education’s ultrasound?”

The new bill mandates that all Arkansas students in grades K-12 watch a dramatic re-creation of Jacob Oliva’s prenatal journey, complete with stirring narration by Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

The 3D-animated film, titled “Before He Was Boss: The Womb Years of Jacob Oliva,” follows Baby Oliva from conception all the way to his first press conference, teaching our children both fetal development and the natural progression of MAGA political appointments.

A Learning Experience for All

The film will also feature “life lessons” drawn from Baby Oliva’s time in utero, such as:

• How to avoid answering FOIA requests before birth
• Why school vouchers should apply to private prenatal care
• The importance of cutting public school funding before you’re even born

Bentley insists this addition to the curriculum is crucial for Arkansas students. “We need to show these kids that education starts at conception,” she declared. “And if that means they have to sit through a 45-minute, state-funded documentary about Baby Oliva’s miraculous journey from zygote to voucher champion, then so be it. It’s really quite beautiful and really well made.”

The Baby Oliva universe

Rumors are already swirling that Bentley has plans to expand the Baby Oliva curriculum into a full-fledged “Life Begins at Enrollment” education initiative.

But for now, Arkansas students can look forward to the debut of The Baby Oliva Bill in classrooms this fall. Teachers will be provided with free copies of the video, as well as a guide on how to answer difficult student questions like, “Why are we watching this?” and “When is recess?”

When asked if she had any final thoughts on the groundbreaking new law, Bentley stated, “We’re just getting started. Life begins when we say so, which is just so beautiful. It will save lives.”