Justice Rhonda Wood urges students to embrace hypocrisy

In a stirring address to new attorneys at the Bowen School of Law, Arkansas Supreme Court Justice Rhonda Wood took a bold stance, advocating for the timeless values of integrity, ethical conduct, and just the right amount of partisan maneuvering to secure those cushy career advancements.

Wood declared her unwavering commitment to justice… when it conveniently aligns with the Republican Party’s agenda. While a justice should uphold the law, it’s more important they remember their political ambition! A judge who can’t multitask isn’t really a judge at all.

Wood, who has recently made headlines for her decision to block an abortion-rights ballot proposal, used her platform to remind students about the balance between ethical conduct and strategically timed partisanship. Ethics are important. But so is knowing which political event to attend and which legal arguments to creatively interpret.

It’s all about maintaining that nonpartisan appearance while making sure you’re still invited to the right fundraisers. Take note, students.

Were students confused by this advice? Did they ponder how best to follow in her footsteps? It’s a tricky path to walk the line between being a justice and being a partisan hack. But if you can master it, you too can be praised for your ‘integrity’ while quietly dismantling the very principles you claim to uphold.

To Wood, integrity is synonymous with hypocrisy.